


Supposed to Be

by SkiaShadow



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Logan Angst, Minor Angst, There's gonna be more, maybe more later - Freeform, slight analogical, supportive virgil, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 13:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18624433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkiaShadow/pseuds/SkiaShadow
Summary: Logan is hurt by the others never listening to his rants but he thinks he shouldn't have feelings. Virgil comforts him.(more summary to come as I write more, don't wanna spoil anything)





	Supposed to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Just thought I'd give Sanders Sides a shot, and I had an idea rolling around in my head, so I thought why not? And I'm still mostly gonna be posting HP, this is probably going to be my only non HP fic.

“And until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals! PEACE OUT!”

Thomas ended the recording and turned to the sides. “That went pretty well, right?”

“Indeed it did, Thomas. Now, I’m off to continue reading my book on the relationship between math and music. It’s fascinating actually, the--”

“Logan.” Thomas stopped him, at the same time as Princey sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Sorry.” Logan adjusted his glasses and sunk out of the frame. They always interrupted his speeches like that… he understood that to some his rants were quite- well- boring, but he was still a little hurt at the fact that they weren’t willing to listen to him talk about what he loved. Still, what did he know about (eugh) feelings? He was probably wrong, or misreading what was happening. His hurt was illogical, and therefore wrong.

Logan had sunk directly into his room, and he now went over to his desk to work on scheduling for the next video. There was no more time to be wasted on these inconsequential musings, he needed to work. He began the process of burying himself in his work and soon enough sunk into a state of pure directed focus on Thomas’ schedule, blocking out all other thoughts.

After some amount of time, anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, he became aware of a gentle but persistent knocking on his door. He pulled himself out of his work with difficulty, shaking off the sense of drowsiness that came with returning to the present. It was probably Patton, bringing some sort of snack as he normally did when he thought Logan was overworking himself.

“Come in!” He called out wearily.

The door creaked open slowly and a head poked out from the hallway.

“Virgil? What are you doing here?” Logan noticed a slight fall in Virgil’s facial expression, typically known to be expressive of some sort of hurt or disappointment. He hastened to clarify. “Of course you are welcome here, I am simply surprised to see you as you have never entered my room before.”

“Yeah, I actually wanted to…” Virgil paused, and Logan could see him getting anxious. He was glad he’d watched all those videos on reading facial expressions.

“Feel free to come in and sit down.” He gestured to the armchair across from him, close to the door and parallel to it so that Virgil could see the door and easily leave at any time. Virgil came in hesitantly and sat down.

“So, I was actually-- I mean I wanted to ask you about that book you mentioned earlier? The relationship between music and math? It sounded pretty chill.”

Logan was shocked, which was quite an unusual occurrence. “I was under the impression that you and the others were not interested in such intellectual topics. I am not offended by the fact that my interests bore you.”

“But they don’t, honestly. And…”

“Go on.”

“You clearly enjoy talking about these things, but you never get a chance to because I’ve noticed that one of the others always shuts you down. And I actually do want to hear about this so I thought you might appreciate the opportunity to… talk to m-- someone?”

“Oh.” If Virgil had the same thoughts as Logan about this, did that mean he wasn’t wrong? That he wasn’t being completely irrational? No. This was irrational. He was  _ Logic.  _ Whether the others were acting in a typically hurtful manner or not,  _ he _ had no room being hurt.

“I’m sorry. This was a bad idea, I’ll just-”

“No, actually that sounds like an excellent idea. I just got lost in thought for a moment.”

“Oh. Oh, good!” Virgil shifted uncomfortably for a second. “So, math and music?”

“Yes, well it kind of begins with the Greeks and Plato. You see, Plato came up with the idea of the Platonic ideal, which was--”

“Oh, yeah I know about that! We learned it in that philosophy class we took in 10th grade.”

“You remember that?” Logan had always assumed that he was the sole side to retain any information from Thomas’ highs school years related to actual learning.

“Yeah, I actually kinda like philosophy. It helps put things in perspective when I’m… anxious.”

“Well, the one thing on earth that was already in its ideal form was math. And at the time, music was considered to be heavily based off of math, so it was also considered…” At first it was slightly awkward to be discussing this with Virgil in such a setting, but Logan quickly became too absorbed in the discussion to worry about it. He had expected to be doing all the talking, but though he did do most of it Virgil occasionally chimed in with an insightful point or clarification. He was a very good listener, and Logan completely forgot about everything going on and got lost in the discussion. Everything was going smoothly until he happened to catch sight of the alarm clock on his desk. He stopped in the middle of his sentence and froze. Virgil looked at him with a concerned expression.

“Logan?”

“I am so sorry,” he said quietly.

“What for?”

“I have been speaking for an hour. I must have bored you. And what about my work?”

“Logan, buddy, I don’t know if you remember but I was participating in that conversation. It’s not like you were the only one talking. And I was enjoying that discussion a lot.”

“But…” Surely he must have been bored. No one was ever interested in Logan’s rants.  _ But maybe they should be. Maybe they should be interested because you are, and they’re your friends,  _ said a voice in the back of his head.

“Hey.” Virgil looked at him, scrunching up his forehead. “It’s okay to want to talk about what interests you. And I could see how much you were enjoying talking about it.”

“But it’s  _ not  _ okay. I’m not supposed to have feelings. I can’t be hurt when people don’t want to listen to me… no, I’m  _ not _ hurt because I’m Logic. Feelings are illogical.”

“No, but they’re not! It makes sense to be hurt when people seem to be rejecting you. And even though you function mostly as Logic, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel. I mean, if I were  _ only  _ anxiety I wouldn’t be here right now. Heck, I’d probably be unable to interact with any of you. You can have feelings.”

He heard what Virgil was saying and for the first time actually allowed himself to feel without immediately throwing himself into a distraction. Logan could feel that his heart rate had sped up and that his eyes were watering a little and he knew this meant he should begin some breathing exercises and calm himself down but he couldn’t seem to start, which was very bothersome because logically he should be doing something, but instead his breathing was just getting faster which wasn’t good and he should do something but he wasn’t, why wasn’t he--

Then Virgil was next to him. “Hey, it’s okay. Deep breaths.” Logan matched Virgil’s breathing and was able to start to calm himself down. “I didn’t think me telling you you could have feelings would elicit such a response. Why is that so upsetting to you?”

Logan pulled his knees up onto his chair. “I cannot do all this talking about feelings. It just, makes me feel… less than ideal.”

Virgil nodded vigorously. “I know, it’s exhausting and feels weird. But I’ve done a fair amount of avoiding before, and trust me, it’s worse. But why does this bother you so much?”

Logan wracked his brain for a more logical response than the truth. “To be honest, I think of myself as Logic, the unfeeling practical one, and it was hard to make a switch in that picture.”

Virgil sighed. “Ok, I’m no Sherlock but it was more than that.”

“Well.” He took a breath. “Confronting the fact that I have feelings means I have to confront those feelings. And those feelings are… how do I put this…”

“All kinds of bad?”

“I suppose that conveys my point adequately.”

“Well, do you think you want to talk to the others about how they shut you down all the time?”

“No, that would be unproductive.”

Virgil frowned. “Well, if you need to talk, or have any interesting debates you want to have, hit me up.”

“Hit… you… up? Virgil, I’m not going to hit you, much less from above.”

“You know what that means!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Virgil huffed in mock anger. “Well, clearly you’re back to your infuriating self. I’d best be off. It’s time to get my daily dose of MCR. Sweet dreams!” He  walked out and gently closed the door behind him before sinking down to the floor in the hallway. He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly.  _ That was a lot. _

But he had been able to handle it this time. He honestly enjoyed being around people, but it was hard for him because of course he got anxious whenever he did hang out with others. Virgil wanted to be a part of the group more, he really did, but it was honestly difficult for him in a way that he didn’t think the others really understood. But he was trying, he really was. He wanted to be able to just hang out with the sides without having to constantly be calming himself down, and he was getting better as he got more familiar with them. But it  _ was  _ really hard.

“Uh, Virgil?” said a familiar voice.

Virgil looked up. It was Roman. “Oh, er, I was just sitting. For a sec. On the way to my room.” Damn it, that was not a convincing thing to say. He hurriedly began standing up.

Roman looked at him strangely. “If you say so…”

Virgil skedaddled to his room before Roman could scrutinize him any further. He flopped into his bed face down and sighed. This whole “getting along with the other sides” was taking a lot out of him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about the angst! I made myself sad.


End file.
